FBS Students

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FBS Students Parent Blog

Better Together

By Matt & Mollie Kuhn

One of the biggest fears of a parent is that they will look back and feel that they are unsuccessful in their parenting. To build a firm foundation for successful parenting, it is important for parents to be unified while raising their children. When thinking about being on the same page with your spouse, most parents have lots of questions. We want to address some of the questions that have been impactful for us in our parenting journey.

    1. How do you get on the same page?
    2. Know your spouse. As a married couple, you know a lot about your spouse. However, parenting brings a whole new dimension to your marriage. As you grow together in parenting, you will learn how you will handle situations together.
    3. Be willing to make mistakes. Know that you will not be the perfect parents. Apologizing to your children and to your spouse is important. Your child needs to know that you will make mistakes, and that is okay. A lot of parenting is learning through experience. You can read all the books about how to parent, but experience and time are the best teacher.
    4. You can’t parent on an island. Just like God didn’t intend for us to live life alone, He didn’t intend for us to parent alone either. It is important to ask for help and bounce ideas off “your people.” If you don’t have a group of people you can trust, seek them out. Ask God to provide you with a group of people who are also going through or have been through the parenting journey.
    5. What does unified parenting look like?
      1. Reflect on how you and your spouse were raised. You are likely to parent the way that your parents parented you. Talk about things your parents did to raise you that you want to keep in your parenting of your own children and talk about things you know you don’t want to do.
      2. When have discussions with your child, always back up your spouse in front of your child. This shows your kids that you respect each other. If you have a disagreement with your spouse, talk about it after the fact. You will disagree with your spouse, and if it is a child related topic, do not talk about it in front of your children.
      3. After you have a parenting experience together, debrief those experiences with your spouse, but also with your people. Talk about how you handled the situation and get advice about what you did well and what you want to work on. Be open to constructive criticism and use what you learn from this experience in the next experience.
    6. What are the results being unified in your parenting?
      1. It cultivates mutual respect between the parents and children. When parents are unified, the children know it and learn to respect the fact that they make decisions together. That way your children don’t always go to one parent.
      2. It models a healthy marriage. Parenting is teamwork and it is important to tell your kids that you parent as one. We have adopted the phrase “Mom and Dad need to talk about that together” when making decisions regarding our children.
      3. It helps build character in the children. When a couple is united in decisions, it helps the child build character instead of learning to manipulate the parents into getting what they want.

It is our hope that this brief post will be encouraging and helpful for any new or seasoned parent. It is always beneficial to be reminded of these ways to build your marriage and family so that your children can be set up for success. Remember that your children will always be your children, so you will always be parenting them. Being on a united front with your spouse will be important and necessary as you parent through life together.

March 19th, 2022

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