Request Prayer

Anonymous

Please pray...I'm really struggling today...to manage pain and to just exist. Was supposed to go to Ortho Spine Dr today but Logisticare once again couldn't get it together. Now who knows when I'll get another appointment. This was the second time in three weeks I've had to cancel...I missed three out of five appointments last month because of them. I have no car still...the mechanic doesn't really seem to care how much not having my car is affecting me...no way to doctor, no way to pharmacy, no way to store or food bank, having to use what little funds I have left to pay others to take me to run errands instead of using that money for food...it's been seven months and last time I checked he hasn't even touched it in two weeks. I sit here...unable to even walk most days...day in and day out. Sometimes a neighbor will speak if I'm out with my dog and the one I'm still fostering (because the lady that was supposed to take him Saturday cancelled on me)...but that's about the extent of human contact. No calls, no visits, nothing...I feel as though I'm invisible. I know I'm not and that God is with me...but would it be too much to ask for a live person every now and then, a call, a hug, a letter...and without me having to always ask? I'm so tired...so very tired...and wonder why I'm even still here. Why hasn't God taken me out already? What is my purpose? The 17th is the one year anniversary of my mothers death...the mother who from the time I was five hated me & blamed me for my father shooting her, who when my brother molested my daughter at age four and I made sure he went to prison for it, lied to the rest of the family saying I falsely accused him...even though she was standing in the courtroom when the judge asked him what he did and he described it...and as a result, to this day, I'm the one who's cast out and he is honored and I am blamed because I ruined his life. I just don't understand, and as my physical health continues to decline, I question more and more the why of it all. At age 51...is this all there is to my life? Just existing...I'm not allowed to be a part of my daughter & grandsons lives...haven't even met the youngest and he will be three on the 17th...all because their other grandmother, and my daughter allowed it, decided I wasn't fit to be their grandmother and I'm an embarrassment to them because I have PTSD...no I've never served in the military...it's from watching my father shoot and almost kill my mother at age five(been in counseling all my life no more cognitive behavior therapy please)...and I was born on the autism spectrum...high functioning, but if you look close you'll see it. I'm defective somehow...I don't have a running car, I don't have a big fancy house, I never...as a single parent...could afford to go out of state on vacation several times a year, etc. etc. and we lived in a double wide. Doesn't matter that I made sure we were all in church and my kids were introduced to Jesus...none of that matters. I'm treated as though I'm dead...completely ignored...by my daughter, my sister, my niece, extended family...all because of lies. Is there any hope? When will my punishment end? Will it ever end? When will, or will I ever be loved and accepted for me, as I am, as God accepts me? Thanks for listening and for prayers

Received: November 12, 2019